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2007/12/25 Fleas Everywhere, Merry Christmas!I spend the night of Christmas Eve in a disco bar with my best friend.
However, this time was a little weird. At midnight, we didn't go as high as we used to be, but found ourselves in a super annoying "flea market"! All I could see were jumping, swinging guys with dull face and dull moves just like fleas, some were wearing...sweaters! business suits! OH MY GOD! OH MY DEAR GOD!
Well, ok, it's good to have fun, every body has the right to have fun. I can't judge. However, fleas, stay in your flea league and leave other people alone! It was bad enough to look at them, let alone being danced into a corner by them! They were everywhere around us, swinging and swinging, absent-mindedly, and expanding their territory. The music seemed moo to them, Usher, Black eyed peas, Rihanna, ALL were just MOO... to them! They only have one move, either swing, or jump, or shake heads. No passion, no expression, no eye contact, what were they thinking, I was wondering. Our battle with those jumping fleas ended up with one big flea stepping on my naked toes.
Then I went back home, checked a forum I visited frequently these days, and found another league of fleas. These fleas reply every post with the most uncreative and meaningless words, even when they don't even know the poster. For these fleas, every post is just moo... to them, cause they don't really care about the content, they just want to show their existence in this place, but why they want to show it, I have no idea, just like I don't understand the existence of those fleas in dancing floor.
If we pay attention, we will found such pointless but annoying fleas everywhere in this society! Am I one of them under certain situation? Maybe. Maybe everyone has a "flea" side.
Anyway, Merry Christmas! I still had fun. 2007/12/21 Belief ChoiceCurrently I've been thinking about religions.
As my mind is getting too complicated to be discerned by myself, I am seeking some help from outside. The best I could think of is religion. Psychology may help as well, but seems it requires people to look behind very complicated psychological situations to solve certain problems. This process could be torturing and risky, because in some degree, people's feelings are uncontrollable. Even if you figured out the cause, you may be unable to do the right thing to get out of the mess immediately, and also, it's very hard to find the source of mental chaos when you can not even get a clear view of the chaos itself. The process of seeking reasons might drive people crazy. Religion could help in a more simple and effective way. Ancient people were so weak and perplexed facing too many challenges, so they needed a spiritual support to keep strong and hopeful, that was how religion started. Our society is much more developed now, but the challenges we face never get less but become tougher. By believing in something and changing their old theories, people easily unload some burden and obtain support and hope, and become less afraid of disappointment, danger, disease and death. Scientist says there is no such thing as soul or spirit, human being' bodies decompose to element after death, and that's all. However, even if the scientific theory is true, won't it feel better to believe that your beloved ones exist in a different way and go to somewhere else rather than just decomposing like a fallen leaf after they die? The only one problem is how to persuade myself to believe in religion. Back in university, I used philosophy, more specifically, materialism, to keep my mind clear. That felt good. Although I have some doubts about final results I got, the feeling of knowing myself well was good. But transferring from materialism to religion? How could this be easy! Thus I have the following silly question: Buddhism, Christianism and Catholicism, which one should I choose. Simply by asking such a question, I am not qualified to be a believer of any of these religions. A catholic told me that when someone is chosen by God, he/she would know. It's just a matter of time when he/she realizes it. I can't help but wonder, is my looking for help the process of realizing? 7 years ago, I was also told by a stranger that I had strong connection with Buddha, although I ignored him, these words are still kept in mind. Or should I establish my own religion? I am imaginative, but not imaginative enough to establish a religion for myself.
So far all I get are these questions without answers. In one side, I want such support to keep calm and peaceful; at the other side, I don't really wanna give up theories I've already accepted. For me at this moment, giving up those theories means surrender and escape. I am going to Thailand next week, will visit some temples, hope I could get new perspectives there. Talking about Thailand, what do lady boys believe in? 2007/12/13 Hate The WeatherI had never this disliked the weather in Beijing. Maybe it's because I now have much more time thinking different ways to kill time and have fun. When you look out the window, it looks so lovely, sunshine is so beautiful that it makes you wanna go out to take a walk immediately, but when you really go outside, you realize that you are cheated. The sun hanging there likes a glaring ice ball, under it, you just feel half blind, freezing and cut wound hurt on every inch of naked skin, so you walk as fast as you can to escape from the world you were eager to embrace 5 mins ago, and to hide in a sofa with a cup of hot tea in your bedroom. This reminds me that it's actually windy most of the time in Beijing. Spring, Autumn, and Winter, only in Summer, it's not windy, but...."sauna". What's "sauna"? Well, in "sauna" whether, the whole world is a big sauna room, it doesn't look bright, but you always feel sticky, very hot, and out of breath. Never judge by appearance, I never realized this even works in judging weather! Our technology is far from enough-developed. Human beings are still at a very weak side in this battle with nature, or how come we are still suffering in bad weathers. Staying in shelters with air-conditioning and heating system is just a way of escaping. I hate such weather. It indirectly makes me into a fat couch potato. 2007/12/9 Idealism and Realism, Optimism and PessimismMy roommy's cousin visited us last week, and we three girls had a lot of fun together. She is a pretty and active girl, only 1 year younger than me, and 3 years younger than my roommy, but we found many of her thoughts very different from those of ours, maybe it's because of the age gap, or profession gap, since she is in art and desine industry while we are in a... much less creative industry.
To us, she is an idealist and optimist. She trusts people whom she's not very familiar with, looks for very romantic relationship in which factors such as money, family background are the last considerations, admires our life because we earn more and live a seemingly exciting life (we took her to several different fancy bars and restaurants).
To her, we are realists and pessimists. she can't agree with most of our thoughts. I know this career as an auditor kinda formed us such a bad habit as doubting and challenging everything, every people we don't know. We tend to always look at the negative side, we claim that romance is just sth childish that won't last forever and economic situation is one of the most "unnegligible" factors in a relationship.
The more simple-minded one is, the more happiness she/he gets. This is my conclusion after living for 1/4 centry. The limpidness in babies' eyes fades away as they grow old, it's because of oxidation or because the eyes are really windows of souls? It doesn't feel good at all being unable to trust others. I admire my roommy's cousin, she could get more happiness than we do cause she will try whatever she wants to try, although she might get hurt more easily. However, the process of holding yourself back from pursuing impulsions to avoid being hurt hurts too.
Human being's mind is uncontrollable. I can't simplify my mind and erase all the doubt I hold, but is it possible to adjust it to a balance of idealism and realism, and optimism and pessimism? I wonder how religion believers think of these. |
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