I am now sittig in a internet cafe, it's dark here, the air smells like a mixture of instant noodle and cigarettes, the noisy music sees endless, people around me looks...most of them young people, playing computer games, speaking dirty words...

 

It feels strange, watching Amelie, one of the most beautiful movie I've ever seen, in such a messy world. Smoky internet cafe has been out of my life for quite a long time, I sit here, like sitting in another universe all alone. Then Amelie's beautiful big eyes take me to another world, with sun shine, bright color, simple heart and love. Still all alone, but with a fresh mind.

 

I suddenly realized that I've been keeping my world gray for several months, but I never noticed even a little bit.

 

There are tears in my eyes, seeing Amelie trys to help others, make people happy.

It's so easy to make people happy, and also make ourselves happy, but our eyes are always covered by work, life trivials...and our heart can't be peaceful because there are so much to think everyday that sometimes we addicted these things and forget to get away.

 

opps,time to go back to CPA exam.

 

 As a member of girls'league, I always talk for girls in this space, this time, I wanna write something about boys.
A cousin of mine talked to me about his relationship life for a long time the other day, it was funny to find out that actually boys also have so much worries and hesitations in the relationship thing.

I've mentioned the fuss about not in a relationship at certain age in a previous essay Jeez, 25 years old without a boyfriend; such fuss is even more popular in my hometown. 30 years old my cousin is, not tall but good-looking, smart and righthearted. I would have nothing to worry about if I were him, but his parents are very anxious about his still being single, and they are also longing for a grandchild and obviously his parents had successfully passed this anxiety to him, my cousin wants to get married as soon as possible, unfortunately, he doesn’t have a girlfriend yet, and those girls he used to date or is running after seem not quite in a marriage mood, and none of those who run after him is his type.

If I had a chance to choose my own gender, I would choose to still be a girl. Even I, who is in this league, can not understand those girls in my cousin’s stories, let along him. I guess boys have to swallow much pride, and endure much pressure that girls may never have to experience.

There is a girl in my cousin’s stories; very beautiful, agreed to go out with him time and time again, accepted every gift he gave her, but without any feedback, take every effort my cousin made for granted. At one late night, my cousin caught her watching moving with another guy, so he stopped contacting her, but later that girl took the initiative to contact him.

Another girl, ordered the most expensive dishes in every date, asked my cousin to pay the bills not only for her, but also for her friends. I understand that girls want generous boyfriend, but is it necessary to treat boyfriends like ATMs?

Now my cousin has been running after another girl for 3 months, but still at the phase of guessing, does she like me? Is there any hint I didn't get? Am I moving too fast? That girl just can't give any clear answer, like or dislike, ok or not ok, she gave him some hope, but also a lot of uncertainty. She always says “well, I don’t know how to answer this question...”My cousin wants me to judge whether there is any hope, but I find it hard to figure out too, I wish I could ask to her face “how come you don’t know what yourself is thinking? You like him or not, yes or no, it’s the simplest question.”

I don't know whether it's my cousin's problem or those girls’, but seems the process of running after girls is much more energy consuming than I thought. Firstly, it costs time and energy to guess, like me or not? Why she says this, why she does that, how should I ask her out, what should I get her…then it does cost much money to take girls to those fancy restaurants where unreasonable prices becomes very fair considering the romantic atmosphere there, also don't even think about discount when selecting love gifts, especially when there are wealthy competitors. What brings even more pressure is that girls are getting more and more “realistic”, they ARE choosing ATMs, there are scales hiding in their charming innocent eyes, weighing guys'wallets.

Lucky I am not a boy.

To say goodbye is one of the things that I hate most, but had to do a lot.

 

Every year I have to say goodbye to my family when I leave home and come back to beijing after vacation , that hurts a lot seeing my parents standing outside the security check counter or the train station, looking at me, with that complicated look, depressed, full of love, worrided, proud..

 

Every year there are collegue fellows quit, we have dinner together, wish each other luck, but feel empty without seeing him/her around in office anymore.

 

Tonight I said goodbye to the manager I like most in my company. I feel sad.

 

There will be more goodbyes to say in the future, some would be forever, I hate that, but that's part of life, so there's no other choice except to face it.

 

Hoping reunion, missing my old friends...